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Dildo and the Dark Lord (Dildo_and_the_Dark_Lord.txt)

DILDO AND THE DARK LORD
R. C. L. Software
Spectrum 48

A not-too-great imitation of Bilbo and other (funnier) Lord of the Rings spoofs.

Hints:
You can carry many objects, which is a plus since there are many objects.

There is only one red herring, the ring. 

The empty bottle can be returned for a deposit. Then buy something you can afford with the money.

Often you have no way of knowing what you need to do until you die, so save often.

Don't eat the toffee. Someone else needs it more than you.

At the keyboard, type 6758.

Avoid the cannibals until you have the potion. It doesn't last long, so don't dawdle.

Eventually you get hungry and thirsty, so make sure you have what you need to avoid dying. The water
can be made potable when heat is present.

If at first you don't succeed, i.e. brute force does not work the first time, try again.

You need protection when you meet the orcs.

At the minefield, go north first. When you detect a mine, go east or west until you not longer get
that message; then go north until you get the message again; repeat these steps until you are out.

Interesting, you lose your possessions when you try to cross the river, but you don't lose your
money. You will need one item on the other side. The river is not very wide.

Remember to TAKE things after you find them or buy them.

How can you cross the swamp? A makeshift "bridge" can be made if you have help. DROP
something you have collected.

Although the game does not recognize "WAIT", time does pass.

When you see a flash, explore where you've been.

It's a shame you cannot DROP ALL or TAKE ALL. You have to drop items (and pick them up), one at
a time.


Solution:
INVENTORY (a sabre and a ring), S, EXAMINE CABINET, TAKE TORCH, SWITCH ON (no battery), N, N, OPEN
CABINET, TAKE SHAVER, EXAMINE SHAVER, TAKE BATTERY, DROP SHAVER, INSERT BATTERY IN TORCH, EXAMINE
BATH (full of dirty water), PULL PLUG, TAKE SOAP, EXAMINE DANDRUFF, EXAMINE THOR, S, OPEN DOOR, W,
N, NW, TAKE MATCH, NE, READ LIST (cod 'n' chips – 40 coins), N, EXAMINE JACKASS (you see
backpacks), SEARCH BACKPACKS, TAKE TOFFEE, TAKE CAKES, EXAMINE CAKES, TAKE SAUCEPAN, E, TAKE BOTTLE,
W, N, W, W (you see a flimsy door), OPEN DOOR (padlocked), KICK DOOR (until it breaks – five
times), N, OPEN DRAWER, TAKE PINCERS, EXAMINE CRATE (dynamite), OPEN CRATE, TAKE DYNAMITE, TAKE
RAKE.

Go S, SE, E, E, E, TAKE PLANK, W, SW, RAKE LEAVES (you discover a hole), DROP RAKE, W, SE, W, W, S,
S, SW, NW, W, W, GIVE BOTTLE (you get two coins), E, N, TAKE DETECTOR, BUY DETECTOR, TAKE DETECTOR,
S, E, SE, NE, N, N, N, DROP DYNAMITE, DROP TOFFEE, DROP CAKES, DROP MATCH, DROP SOAP, DROP SAUCEPAN,
DROP SABRE, DROP TORCH, DROP RING, DROP PLANK, DROP PINCERS (i.e. all but the detector), THROW
DETECTOR, SWIM RIVER, TAKE DETECTOR, W (you are at a minefield), N (you detect a mine), E, E, E, E,
N (repeat this sequence whenever you detect a mine, until you are out), N (you see a chest), OPEN
CHEST (you take the coins and return to the ploughed field).

Go E, DROP DETECTOR, SWIM RIVER (you still have the coins), TAKE DYNAMITE, TAKE TOFFEE, TAKE CAKES,
TAKE MATCH, TAKE SOAP, TAKE SAUCEPAN, TAKE SABRE, TAKE TORCH, TAKE PLANK, TAKE PINCERS, S, S, S, SW,
NW, W, S, BUY POTION, TAKE POTION, BUY GROW, TAKE GROW, EXAMINE GROW (it enlarges things), N, E, SE,
NE, BUY FISH, TAKE FISH, N, N, E, SW, DOWN, SWITCH ON, LOOK, E, SW (you see a small crack in the
wall), N, SEARCH SKELETONS, TAKE PAPER, READ PAPER (sex in Roman times, it's lucky for some
things, thump the orcish bunch, they're past eating, ho-hum), DROP PAPER, S, CAST GROW (the
crack becomes bigger), WAIT (until Thor arrives), GIVE TOFFEE (his teeth stick together and this
prevents him from screaming), S, LIGHT MATCH, LIGHT DYNAMITE, DROP DYNAMITE, DROP MATCH, N.

WAIT (until you hear an explosion nearby), S (you see a wrecked door to the east), E, TAKE SEAT,
EXAMINE SEAT (gold-painted), TAKE SUIT, TAKE WATCH, W, N, W, DRINK POTION (you turn into a
werewolf), W, S, TAKE ROPE, N, N, N, THROW ROPE, UP ROPE, SWITCH OFF, SE, W, N, DROP TORCH, DROP
CAKES, THROW SABRE, THROW PLANK, THROW SEAT, THROW SUIT, THROW WATCH, THROW PINCERS, THROW FISH,
THROW SOAP, THROW SAUCEPAN, SWIM RIVER, TAKE SABRE, TAKE PLANK, TAKE SEAT, TAKE SUIT, TAKE WATCH,
TAKE PINCERS, TAKE FISH, TAKE SOAP, TAKE SAUCEPAN, WEAR SUIT, FILL SAUCEPAN, N, KILL ORCS (repeat
until they are all dead), BOIL WATER (the germs are gone), N, E (you see long grass).

CUT GRASS (you see a mattress), TAKE MATTRESS, W, N, UP, DRINK WATER, THROW MATTRESS, JUMP (you see
a boat), DROP SAUCEPAN, BOARD BOAT (you reach the other side), DROP PLANK, TAKE BEAVER, NW (you see
a lion with a limp), EXAMINE LION (it has a thorn in its paw), PULL THORN (the lion licks you and
follows you), SE, NE (the lion gets rid of the dragon), EAT FISH, DROP PLANK, NE (by the swamp),
DROP BEAVER (it gnaws at the wood and the tree falls spanning the swamp), E, E, E, S, S, W (you see
Del who retired), GIVE WATCH (you get a Sinclair ZX81), E, N, N, E, S, TAKE DAGGER, N, N (you see a
high shelf with rat poison on it), WAIT (until dandruff arrives), UP DANDRUFF (you get the rat
poison), S, UP, N.

EXAMINE TOILET (seat is missing), REPLACE SEAT (you see a flash), S, WEDGE DOOR, S, TAKE STAFF,
EXAMINE STAFF ("destroy"), N, DOWN, W, N, N, N, N, UP, UP (you see the first guardian), N
(you can't), THROW DAGGER (he falls down dead), N, DOWN, (you see a barrel of rum), POUR RAT
POISON, UP, WAIT (until the barman takes the barrel), N (the guards are dead), N (you see the second
guardian who chases you), DROP SOAP (he cracks his head open), N, 6758, N, W (you see Moron, dogs
chained to a wall and a key), SAY DESTROY, TAKE KEY, E (you see an iron door), UNLOCK DOOR, N (you
see Pain). Thor arrives, father and son are reunited. You are finished. Score: 100%.

Terri Sheehan
2007-01-31
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